I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize