This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
