would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
