I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize