I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
