I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The air taste purple.
Randomize
