we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
PANTIES FOUND
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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