yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
