You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
