I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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