Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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