hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
