coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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