you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
