I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
