her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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