Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
