dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
