You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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