Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
