I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
