There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
