yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
