I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize