Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
