my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
