I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
