The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
