True but thats because hes a fetus.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
