everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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