I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
