she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
