She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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