I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What a dumb baby whore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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