How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
