as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
