peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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