I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
