you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
