been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
