I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
