I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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