wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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