Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
