why didn't you poke me back
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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