their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
