Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
