Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
