Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize