How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
