Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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