I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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