Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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