This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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