i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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