you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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