last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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