I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
handjob tips. give me some.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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