Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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