is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
