Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
