my shit smells like andre
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
