Will you blow on my dice?
You're so nebulous sometimes
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
