Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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