I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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