apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
