Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
