Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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