yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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